Part I: Fire Away
Josh and Will were enjoying a nice lunch at Luna's Italian Eatery in downtown Stuart.
"So this guy comes back in time to kill one of his close friends..." began Josh.
"Josh, how many times do I have to tell you: time travel is just plain fucked up!" responded Will.
"Yeah yeah, I'll engrave it on your tombstone. Lets say I'm the one traveling back in time. I'm traveling back in time to kill YOU. Suppose years down the road, you married Jackie..."
"Me marry Jackie?" Will practically fell over in his seat laughing. After a moment he regained his composure and grabbed another garlic knot.
"Work with me here. The two of you have a child. That child ends up being the Anti-Christ. I'm unable to kill him so I deciede to time travel and kill both you and Jackie to prevent him from ever being born."
"Yeah, but what about all the paradoxes that causes?"
"Lets find out..."
Josh whipped out the 9mm pistol from its holster hidden inside his Hawaiian shirt and put a single hollow point through Will's forehead. Luna's suddenly went dead quiet, except for the sound of a pizza pan crashing to the floor. Josh waved the gun at a nearby waitress.
"Where the hell is my pizza?!"
Part II: Deja Vu
Josh and Will were enjoying a nice late night snack at the Denny's in Stuart.
Will ate another french fry then laughed. "That story is so you, Josh. But it'd never happen."
"Okay" countered Josh, "Here's another story. Tell me if it's more or less absurd. Suppose my entire straight edge persona is fake, a masterly crafted fascade designed to fool everyone I know. I'm really a crazed, bloodthristy, power-hungry madman. Oh, and I'm fucking Jackie too. Bed of my truck HAS been cristened, contrary to what the rest of you all might think."
"You? Fucking Jackie? In the back of your truck? Maybe I can buy the 'crazed, bloodthristy, powerhungry madman' part but not that."
"And thats not all: to top it off, years from now I unleash my lifelong scheme to take over the United States and then the world. But I'm stopped by one person: YOU."
"Ha! That's hilarious, Josh."
"Yeah, but he doesn't remind me of Tyler" said Jackie as she walked around the corner.
Will stared awestruck, his eyes darting back and forth between Jackie and Josh, the latter grinning like a cheshire cat. "Ain't that a bitch?" said Josh.
Josh whipped out the 9mm pistol from its holster hidden inside his Hawaiian shirt and put a single bullet through Will's forehead and he slumped face first onto the table. Denny's went dead quiet, except for the sound of a tray crashing to the floor. Josh waved the gun at the nearby waitress.
"Where the hell are my cheese sticks?"
Part III: Parting Shot
Josh and Jackie spun around as someone else came around the corner. 9mm bullets dropped them to the floor before they could react.
Another Josh surveyed the three corpses, a 9mm pistol in each hand. "I knew in at least ONE of these parallel timelines I'd be an evil psycho."