Out came a pissed off looking Cruncher.  Last week, he got what he always wanted.  A win over his old mentor, Mike Haggar.  But it wasn't clean.  He didn't win it.  Major Force won it for him when they attacked both men and tossed Jack Slade from the steel cage.
    And that was the last thing Jack Slade.
    The crowd barely had time to finish their pop before Slade hit the ring.  He had a microphone.

SLADE:  MASTERS!!!  Where are you, you sick son of a bitch!  Get out here!  Come on!

    Nothing.  Major Force wasn't coming out, no matter how irate Jack Slade was going to get.  They were in the building, but security had kept them apart.  Slade didn't want that.

SLADE:  What?  You think you can ruin the biggest match of my life and get away with it?  You think I'm going to sit back and accept it while you cost me my win over Mike Haggar?  When you hand me the one victory I wanted to earn myself?  You think I'm going to let that slide?  Get your ass out here so I can kick it!

    Somebody showed up on SlamVision.
    Gunloc.  Slade's opponent tonight.

GUNLOC:  Slade, maybe you've forgotten, but...

SLADE:  Yadda yadda yadda, I better not forget about you because we have match tonight, dam dum da dum.  Get your idiot face off of the SlamVision, I'll see enough of you later.  Get him off!

GUNLOC:  Don't you just...

    Somebody then cut the signal to SlamVision.  Slade could threaten without interruption.

SLADE:  Masters, I don't know what you're trying to prove or what the Hell you want, but how about you explain it as I beat the Hell out of you?  Huh?  Where are you, Masters?  Where are you at?

    Slade looked to the back.  Still, nobody.  Masters had to be hearing this.  He was playing with Slade, plain and simple.

SLADE:  Since when did Major Force become cowards?  I thought you wanted me, Masters.  If you want me, I'm right here!  Come on!  All of you come out.  It'll be five on one!  I won't stand a chance!  But I swear that if you come out, I'll take you all down with me!  Come on!  Get out here!  Let's see it.

    Masters had no intention of coming out.  He wasn't going to play Slade's game.  That's not his style.  He wasn't going to appear on Slade's terms.
    Slade wasn't going to stand for it.

SLADE:  Fine.  You don't want to face me like men?  I'll chase you down like the rat bastards you are!  You better be hiding someplace good!

    With that, Jack Slade dropped his mic and stormed into the back.  The search for Major Force begins.

    Welcome to Monday Night Massacre.  Tonight is going to be awesome, and that's no lie.
    Martin Riley, son of the first ever SMWA World Champion, William Riley, will face off against the California Kid.
    Cruiserweight Champion Rokuru defends his Title against former Champ Johnny Proton.
    Titan Tim is here with a special message for the Dark Brand.
    We've been informed that Terry Sky is here with his family to address his current financial situation and Major Force.
    We'll see an old rivalry rekindled as "Jackhammer" Andrew Marshall faces off against "Daredevil" Ron Grayson.
    Major Force takes on Highland Hell in Six Man Tag action.
    Mike Haggar is here to address Major Force.
    And, in our main event, Gunloc will attempt to take the World Title from the Champ, "The Cruncher" Jack Slade.

    Before going to commercial, we saw Highland Hell arriving into the building.  Hamish looked a bit worse for wear after wrestling twice this weekend on Saturday Night Slam Masters.  The first time, it was against Kodiak Marmoset in a Luck of the Draw Match.  The second time was against Skarzz in a Falls-Count-Anywhere encounter.  Hamish pointed the finger squarely at Saul Masters and his money, saying that Masters bought Hamish in to the Luck of the Draw match so he'd be tired when he faced Skarzz.
    When we came back from commercial, Nick Jones was backstage with our esteemed Commissioner, Jack McCullough, to address the situation.

JONES:  Fans, I'm here with SMWA Commissioner Jack McCullough.  Mr McCullough, by now you've probably heard the accusations levied by Hamish MacTavish against Saul Masters.  That Masters somehow bribed SMWA officials into giving Hamish a Luck of the Draw match.  What's your response?

MCCULLOUGH:  Well, Jones, if Masters bribed anybody, it wouldn't be just any SMWA Official.  It would have to be me.  Every week, with the SMWA Board of Directors as witnesses, I pick the two names for the Luck of the Draw Match out of a hat.  I'm the man responsible.  Would I be bribed by Saul Masters?  No.  Never.  I don't know where he got his money from or how much he has, but I can tell you this.  Whatever he has isn't enough.  What happened on Saturday was an unfortunate coincidence for Hamish, but that is exactly what it was.  A coincidence.  If Hamish has a problem with that, he can take it up with me.  I am not for sale.

JONES:  Thank you very much, Mr McCullough.  Let's get to the ring.

    This weekend, The California Kid turned a surefire submission win over Wally B into a win by DQ for newcomer Martin Riley.  Riley had the B locked up in the Riley Ride when Cal stormed the ring, causing a disqualification.  Even though it was Riley's first SMWA victory, it didn't make him happy.  He wanted the Kid's head after that match.
    Riley's reception in the SMWA has been somewhat lukewarm.  Some people know who his father is, but most wouldn't have known if they weren't told.  William Riley was the first ever man to hold the SMWA World Title.  That was twenty five years ago.  It's a distant memory.  Martin's gonna have to make it on his own.
    Cal, on the other hand, is an annoying surfer wannabe.  The crowd doesn't like Cal and may never like him.  Still, he's a fine athlete who continually improves in each match.
    Two young stars would face off to open Monday Night Massacre.
    The bell rang...

    Riley and Cal immediately locked up, and that was Cal's first mistake.  Riley hooked Cal's arms and suplexed him over his head.  Cal got up and was the victim of several elementary wrestling takedowns.  The Kid couldn't get anything going against the technically superior Riley.  Bonecracker was dominating.  He put Cal on his back with a double underhook suplex and then locked on a guillotine choke.  Cal would have gone out right there if he wasn't close enough to the ropes.  Once he reached the ropes, Riley locked on an armlock and pulled him away from the ropes.  A few seconds later, Cal found his shoulders on the mat after a bridging back suplex.
    Cal managed some offence but he couldn't hurt Riley.  Cal went for a dropkick and Riley moved out of the way.  When Cal got up, Riley hit him with a Northern Lights suplex and went for the pin.  That was all she wrote.

Martin Riley pinned The California Kid after a Northern Lights suplex in 0:04:54.
Rating: ***

    Before Riley could even celebrate, he was attacked by... WALLY B!!!  Wally was jumping on Riley.  Wally was helping Cal.
    Well, Riley wasn't going to get beat up by Wally B.  He kicked B in the gut and then tossed him through the ropes.  Cal then charged at him but was dropped over the top ropes with a backdrop.   Cal fell right next to Wally.
    Wally helped Cal to his feet and the two walked to the back together.
    Call me crazy, but we might just have seen the formation of the most annoying team possible.  Quick, let's rewind and erase that.  Not that it would do anything.

    Backstage, Jack Slade was still looking for Major Force.  He found Rokuru and his stuffed little anime mascot, Teddy.

SLADE:  You seen Major Force?

ROKURU:  Oh, no, Mr Slade.  I haven't seen a thing.

SLADE:  Okay...

ROKURU:   But Teddy may have!

SLADE:  ....

ROKURU:  In fact, yes.  Teddy knows where Major Force went.

SLADE:  Where?

ROKURU:  Why don't you ask Teddy?

SLADE:  ....

ROKURU:   Go on.

SLADE:  Why can't you tell me?

ROKURU:  I don't want to get it wrong.  Teddy saw it.  He knows.

SLADE:  Fine.  Teddy, where did you see Major Force?

TEDDY:  ....

SLADE:  What did he just say?

ROKURU:  Teddy, can you repeat that for Mr. Slade?

SLADE:  Forget it.

    Jack Slade stormed past Rokuru and Teddy.  That didn't help at all.

ROKURU:  Didn't you hear him?  He's saying...  Oh, nevermind.

    Rokuru and Teddy would be in action after the commercial break.

    Johnny Proton was defeated by Lantern for the Cruiserweight Title at New Year's Smash.  In turn, Rokuru defeated Lantern.  Then Lantern defeated Proton again in a shocker on Saturday Night Slam Masters.
    So why does Proton get the first shot here?
    Word is this match had been signed weeks ahead of time, with Proton getting a rematch for the Cruiserweight Title.  In other words, Lantern is going to have to wait.
    Rokuru is certainly the more unorthodox and unpredictable of these two wrestlers.  The man talks to a stuffed Panda in army fatigues.  The boy aint right.  But he's a good wrestler.  Proton is an excellent high flyer and a great mat wrestler.  Probably the best American Cruiserweight.  This match had a lot of potential.
    Both men came out to good crowd reactions.  Once in the ring, Rokuru did a little dance for Johnny and tried to give him a big hug.  Johnny didn't want to hug Rokuru.  Very nicely, he pushed him away.
    That was kind of cute.
    The bell rang...

    Proton and Rokuru grappled for a bit, Proton gaining the edge with a legsweep takedown and a series of flying headscissors.  Rokuru was then plastered with a DDT and Proton swiftly went up top.  He hit a beautiful frog splash and went for the pin.
    1...
        2...
            NO!!!  Rokuru barely kicked out.  Proton was here to take that Title away, and he wasn't going to waste any time with it.
    Proton kept going.  He planted Rokuru's shoulders to the mat with a Northern Lights suplex and got another two count.  He then whipped Rokuru into the corner and charged in after him.
    Rokuru put up his boot and caught Proton in the chin.  Proton fell to the mat and Rokuru quickly went up top.  He delivered a beautiful flying Frankensteiner that nearly put Proton out for good.  Rokuru then rolled him into a small package.  Proton reversed it into one of his own.  Both men escaped the hold.  Rokuru then used a double leg roll up but Proton reversed with a sunset flip style pin.  These two  rolled on the mat for a few minutes, exchanging near falls with one another before Proton finally ended the exchange when he locked Rokuru in a double chicken wing submission.  Rokuru made it to the ropes, but Proton wouldn't let up.  He grabbed Rokuru, bodyslammed him and went for a mid-rope moonsault.  He hit and went for the cover.
    1...
        2...
            NO!!!  Kickout!  Proton kicked things into high gear at this point.  He power bombed Rokuru to the mat and then climbed the ropes, diving off with a flying elbowdrop.
    Rokuru moved and Proton hit hard.  Rokuru went for the pin.
    1...
        2...
            NO!!!  Kickout!  Rokuru got up and Proton slowly got his feet.  Rokuru bounced off the ropes and levelled Johnny with a flying forearm shot.  Another two count was the result.  Proton was then perched up top, allowing Rokuru to hit a top-rope Frankensteiner.  Another cover.
    1...
        2...
            NO!  Both these guys are damn resilient.  Rokuru took Proton to the top once more, but Proton was ready this time.  He tossed Rokuru from the buckles and, once the Teddy Bear of Destruction got back to his feet, came off with a flying dropkick.  Proton picked up a dazed Rokuru and then planted him with a jumping piledriver.  He went for the cover.
    1...
        2...
            NO!!!  Kickout.  Proton pulled Rokuru up and Rokuru connected with a few shots to the stomach before trying to dump Proton outside with a clothesline.  Proton ducked and it was Rokuru who went outside.  Johnny looked to put it all away.  He climbed to the top turnbuckle and dove off with a beautiful flying cross body to the outside.  Rokuru went down hard and Proton rolled him into the ring.  Rokuru slowly got to his feet and Proton gave the signal for the Proton Kick!  Rokuru got up and received a boot right in his jaw.  He went down fast and Proton made the cover!
    1...
        2...
            3!!!  New Champ!!!

Johnny Proton pinned Rokuru with the Proton Kick in 0:07:21.
Rating: ** 3/4
(Johnny Proton won the SMWA Cruiserweight Title.)

    Great effort by Proton, who now becomes a four time Cruiserweight Champion.  Rokuru fought hard, but Proton was the better man that night.
    The referee took the belt from around Teddy's waist and handed it to Proton.  But no sooner did Proton hold the belt over his head than he was attacked!
    By Lantern!!!
    Lantern had beaten Proton on Saturday Night.  This should have been his shot.  Instead, Proton is the New Cruiserweight Champion of the World.
    Lantern started pounding on the champ, causing him to drop the belt.  Lantern saw this and took advantage.  He grabbed Proton in a DDT and dropped him onto the belt.  With Proton down, Lantern left the ring to a chorus of boos.
    Looks like Lantern wants a shot.

    We went backstage, where Jack Slade's search continued.  This next man might be able to help him out.
    One shabbily dressed "Tricky" Rick Clark.

SLADE:  Clark!

CLARK:  Whoa!  You look pissed, Slade.  Looking for somebody?

SLADE:  No, don't give me that crap, Clark.  Where's Major Force?

CLARK:  Um, Slade, it's not like I hang around with those guys or anything.

SLADE:  You two didn't work out a deal?

CLARK:  We did.  I don't know where he is, okay?

SLADE:  You better not be messing with me, Clark.

CLARK:  Look, check the basement or something, OK?  That's usually where guys like that hang out.  Just get out of my face.

    Slade stormed right off, leaving Clark standing there alone.  These two haven't liked each other for a while.  In fact, it's almost StB's fault that the rift between Haggar and Slade formed in the first place.
    Clark's over that, though.  He has more important things to deal with.

CLARK:  Okay, guys, let's head to the ring.

    Well, after the commercial break, we seemed to have some sort of infomercial happening on SlamVision.

VOICE:  Every year, thousands of people are cast from their jobs, their homes, their once happy lives, and are forced to live on the streets.  Prostitutes.  Squeegee kids.  Drug pushers.  These are but some of the jobs that can await an unsuspecting family that is suddenly thrown upon the street.  This is one of their stories.

    A message then scrolled across Slamvision.

    The lights came up on the ring.  A slow piano tune played in the background.
    Oh boy.
    Ron Grayson was wearing a dress, holding a plate with half of a loaf of bread on it.  Cody Simmons was dressed up like a squeegee kid, raggedy clothes and all.  Monica was dressed up like a hooker.  There was a table and everybody was sitting down for dinner.... which was the loaf of bread, apparently.
    Each of StB had individual lapel microphones on their costumes.  Those guys sure go all out when they do a skit, don't they?

GRAYSON:  When did your father say he'd be back from the blood clinic, Cody?

CODY:  I dunno.  I hope he brings back the money this time, though.

GRAYSON:  So do I, son.  So do I.

MONICA:  Okay, kid.  Five dollars, I'll rock your world.  How 'bout it?

GRAYSON:  MONICA!!!  Do NOT try and sell yourself to your younger brother.

MONICA:  MOM!!!

GRAYSON:  Stop arguing or no loaf for you!

CODY:  There's daddy!

    Rick Clark, who we can only assume was playing the part of Terry Sky, stumbled to the ring with a brown paper bag.

CODY:  What's wrong with daddy, momma?

GRAYSON:  Oh, well, daddy's just having some "goofy time".

MONICA:  Okay, ten dollars and I'll bring a friend of mine.

GRAYSON:  MONICA!!!

    Looks like Rick Clark had been in the "sauce" since Jack Slade approached him.  That, or he was doing a damn good job of pretending to be drunk.  Probably the latter.  Clark stumbled up to the apron and into the ring.

GRAYSON:  Welcome home, Honey.  Give me a kiss.

    Clark went to kiss Grayson, but then he began to cough all over the bread.  Cody went to take a piece.

GRAYSON:  Honey!  That was our dinner!  Cody, don't eat that!

CODY:  But I'm hungry, momma.

GRAYSON:  We all are, sweetie.  Terry, what's wrong with you.

CLARK:  Just... Just gave too much blood...

    Clark stumbled onto the table.  His brown bag began leaking booze onto the bread.  Cody again reached for a piece.

GRAYSON:  CODY!!!  Do not eat that bread.

CODY:  But daddy just washed it for me.

GRAYSON:  That's not water, Cody.  That's alcohol!  Oh, Terry, have you been drinking?

CLARK:  ....  Nah!

GRAYSON:  Oh, please, Terry.  Don't lie to your family.  We can't take any more.  How much did you get at the blood bank?

CLARK:  How much does a thing of booze like that cost?

GRAYSON:  About 19.95.

CLARK:  I got a nickel left, so what does that make?

GRAYSON:  Terry!  That money was for our food!

CLARK:  Whoa!  Sorry!  Sheesh, can't a guy have a good time?  Here, Monica, have a nice shiny nickel.

MONICA:  How cheap do you think I am?

GRAYSON:  For God's sakes, Monica!  Your father is not asking for... THAT!!!

CODY:  You mean sex?

GRAYSON:  CODY!!!

CLARK:  Heh, heh, heh.  That's my boy.

GRAYSON:  Oh, Terry!  We can't go on like this.  We can't.

CLARK:  Sure we can, honey.  All I gotta do is start wrestling again...

GRAYSON:  How can you wrestle when you spend all your bus money on alcohol?

CLARK:  Hm.  That's a good question.

GRAYSON:  I can't live like this, Terry.  Our son is a squeegee kid....

CODY:  Actually, mom, I'm a windshield artist!

GRAYSON:  And our daughter is a prostitute.

MONICA:  Excuse me, mother.  I prefer paid slut, okay?

GRAYSON:  And you!  You used to be something!  You used to have money!  And now you don't.

CLARK:  It'll just be a while  before I get my feet back.  Once I wrestle again.

GRAYSON:  How can you wrestle when you're drunk.

CLARK:  I'm completely drunk!  I'm not sober!  Oh, wait...

GRAYSON:  That's enough, Terry.  I think it's time I told you something.  Terry, I'm taking the kids and moving in with somebody else.

CLARK:  Wha?

GRAYSON:  That's probably him now.  Come in!

    And down the aisle came Jerry Kent, dressed up exactly like Saul Masters, even putting a little colour in his beard to finish the transformation.  Kent climbed into the ring and embraced Grayson.  Then they went to kiss.

CLARK:  Waitasec!  This is the guy who *cough* allegedly *cough* took my money!

GRAYSON:  And that's why I love him!  Because he *cough* allegedly *cough* has your money!

KENT:  It looks like I came right in time, Mrs. Sky.  Hi kids.  You're Cody, aren't you?

CODY:  Yup!

KENT:  I brought you a present!  It's a Pokemon!  And with me *cough* allegedly *cough* having your father's money, we'll have enough to catch 'em all!

CODY:  Yeah!  I love you, new daddy.

    Clark slumped into a chair that was surrounding the table.

KENT:  Now, Monica, I don't have any gift for you.  But here's a hundred dollars.

MONICA:  WOW!!!  You just bought yourself a whole night, mister!

KENT:  Ha Ha Ha!  No, Monica, I don't want that.  You can go and buy yourself something nice.

    Clark raised his head from the table.

CLARK:  Why, Saul, why?

KENT:  Face it, Sky.  I only wanted you so I could *cough* allegedly *cough* take your money.  After that, I figured I'd just take it all.  Come on, former Sky Family.  Let's go to the Masters mansion!

ALL:  Hoorah!!!

KENT:  Oh, and Terry.  Here's a penny.  Pick it up.  You need some good luck!  Ha!

    With that, the "Sky Family" left the ring, leaving Rick Clark all alone.  The lights dimmed and a single spotlight lit Clark.

CLARK:  He took my belt.  He took my money.  He took my family.  How can I live like this!  But what can I do?  Now, I am destined to sell my blood for the rest of my life!  It's the only thing that I have left!  This life... It's the hard knock one!

    Then the piano tune shifted.  It was playing a slow version of.... well, guess.

CLARK:  It's the hard-knock life for me!
                It's the hard-knock life for me!
                'Steada titles, I get jipped!
                'Steada money, I get ripped!
                It's the hard-knock life!

                Got no cash to speak of, so,
                It's the hard-knock life I know!
                Hitching buses, 'Steada of planes!
                Empty Bellies,hunger pains!
                It's the hard-knock life!

    At this point, we break into a little musical bit where Clark does some very bad broadway style dancing.  Out come the rest of Simply the Best in top hats, canes and tuxedos.  They all join Clark in the ring and link arms, kicking their legs in the air.  The music goes for another couple of seconds before reaching it's crechendo.

ALL:  It's the hard-knock life!!!

    StB all bowed in a line to finish the number off.
    That was certainly... something.
    Clark and Company bowed to a crowd that obviously hadn't seen the musical Annie and were wondering why Clark didn't start rapping like Jay-Z.  I'm sure he has his reasons, folks.
    When we returned from commercial, we saw Simply the Best in the back, discussing their stunning piece of urban drama, laughing it up.

CLARK:  We killed 'em, guys.

GRAYSON:  No, you killed 'em, Rick.

CLARK:  Thanks, honey.

KENT:  Hey, don't I get a best supporting role?

CLARK:  I think that goes to Cody.

CODY:  Thanks, Rick.  And Monica, I so believed you were a hooker.

MONICA:  Thank you.

    Everybody stopped talking, and then all the guys burst out in spontaneous laughter.
    Saul Masters walked in from the background.  He patiently waited for StB to notice him.

CLARK:  Oh, Saul.  Didn't see you there.  How are ya?

MASTERS:  I need to talk to you and Jerry, Rick.

CODY:  Hey, nothing you can say to them you can't tell all of us.

MASTERS:  They'll tell you for me.  Now, gentlemen.

    Clark and Kent shrugged their shoulders and went over to Masters.  Cody and Grayson didn't look too happy.  Monica was still contemplating the laughter after the hooker comment.

    We knew what this was all about.
    Zists and Iznami appeared on the platform beneath SlamVision, the Baki Mono behind them.
It was pretty obvious that they weren't just passing through.
    Zists spoke.

ZISTS:  Run no more, little demon.  We have found you.  Hide no more.  You are ours.

    There was a pause in Zists speech.  He was waiting for Oni to show.  There was a flickering of light in the ring.  Oni appeared.  He was ready for the fight.

ONI:  You've tracked me down, Zists.  What do you wish?

IZNAMI:  Only for you to answer our challenge, demon.  It may be wiser for you to hide until the defender arrives, but we will not allow that.

ONI:  And what is your challenge?

IZNAMI:  To risk your stolen power.  Tonight, against Raijin.  If you survive, then you must face Zuzanow at a later time.  We have one of your judges ready to keep order.  You know that you cannot refuse the challenge.

ONI:  I will not refuse.  And I will not fight alone.  Send Raijin.

    With that, Raijin made his way to the ring.  Iznami ordered an SMWA official into the ring.  Looks like we have a match.