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Folks, we have a big night for you. Ron Grayson has a very important announcement concerning Sky Entertainment Ltd. Akira Wan-Pai faces off against Teioh. King Rasta wrestles Clone in a rematch from last Saturday. Kodiak Marmoset HAS been sighted in the building."Tricky" Rick Clark tunes up for Thanksgiving Thunder in a match against Andrew Marshall. We will see the first ever SMWA War Champions crowned as Highland Hell (representing Sky Entertainment Ltd.), The Raiders, The Doomsday Hunters, and Major Force face off in a Four Way Crash for the titles. And in our main event, Zangief will face off against long-time nemesis Chad Hillsman as the War of the Super Powers continues. First, however, Simply the Best has something to say. Why else would they be coming down to the ring?
Clark was the first one to grab the mic. StB wasn't going to waste any time.
"First off, I just want to address something I've heard all week. A lot of people have been telling Simply the Best that the only reason that we beat Jack Slade last Monday was because he threw the fight. These idiots who got their college degrees of the back of a cereal box are telling me that the three of us couldn't beat one kid named Slade. Well, I hate to break it to all you future rocket scientists out there, but Jack Slade fell to Simply the Best just like everybody else does, and there aint a God-damn thing you can do about it, okay?!? Three of us against one boy who's eyes are still adjusting to the light after he's come out of Mike Haggar's shadow, I'd say the odds are pretty much in our favour. So for those of you who aren't down with Simply the Best winning, I've got two words for you: Don't Breed!"
The crowd was booing Clark feverishly at this point. Yes, it had been a rumour that Slade had thrown the match last week just to get Simply the Best off of his back. At this point, it is only a rumour, as nobody has been able to talk to Slade since last Monday. But Clark continued.
"Now, Haggar, it seems to me that you are in an interesting situation. Not only have you lost to me three times in a row, but now you've lost your back-up. Unless you think Jessica is going to make Jerry and Cody 'behave' at Thanksgiving Thunder. Hell, the most she can do is look at them and turn them to stone with that face of hers, but we've got our anti-Jessica magic going on and even Cody said he's not going to look at that ugly mug of hers anymore!"
Cody took a deep breath and said "I'll try."
Jessica has not been heard from since her break-up with Slade two weeks ago. Simply the Best were taking a lot of cheap, cheap shots here. Clark kept going.
"Mike, you know what it's like to fail against somebody who is just simply better than you are. Hell, you've done it three times. And I'm sure your arthritis has held you back, but if you just used the damn A5-35 like the doctors told you to in the first place, you wouldn't be in this predicament. And, Mr. Mayor, remember that it says right on the side "Do not take internally". That might be your problem right there!"
Kent chimed in as the crowd started their obligatory StB chant of asshole.
"Hey Rick, I don't know if you can hear it, but you've got fifteen thousand, two hundred and fifty two and one quarter people calling you an asshole!"
Cody put on his best corporate face. "Well, fans, SCREW YOU, YOU'RE FIRED!!! And I hope I go straight to Hell!!!"
Clark looked stunned as he gazed out at the crowd. "Me? An asshole? That's awful! You know, it really hurts when I hear that week in and week out. I think we just don't understand each other as of yet. I think the best way I can communicate my point to you is through song. It's important for you to know that.... I'm just a regular joe with a really great job."
Kent came in, motioning to the fans as the instrumental music to Dennis
Leary's "Asshole" came on the arena PA. StB had planned this. "You're all
average white, suburbanite slobs."
Then Cody. "You like football and porno and books about war."
Clark: "When you walk near my house, I go lock up the doors"
Cody: "Your wife, my kids, oops! I went too far."
Kent: "You're all stupid bastards, and you know that you are."
Clark: "But sometimes you fans aint enough to keep three guys like us
interested."
Kent: "Oh no"
Cody: "No way"
Kent: "Uh-uh"
Clark: "No we got to go out and have fun at Mike Haggar's expense."
Kent: "Oh yeah."
Cody: "Yeah-yeah"
All: "Yeah-yeah-yeah"
Clark: "We'll talk really slow, so we can explain why people like us
drive you morons insane."
All: "Cause we're assholes, eeyo-eeyo, eeyo-eeyo, eeyo-eeyo. Cause
we're assholes. We're the world's biggest assholes, eeyo-eeyo."
Kent: "Face Simply the Best and go down in defeat."
Cody: "I'm the only man for Jessica, hey Slade you got beat!"
All: "Cause we're assholes, eeyo-eeyo, eeyo-eeyo, eeyo-eeyo. Cause
we're assholes. We're the world's biggest assholes, eeyo-eeyo."
Clark: "I like to prove the heroes disgraces while stupid mark fans
shout stupid mark phrases!"
All. "Cause we're assholes, eeyo-eeyo, eeyo-eeyo, eeyo-eeyo. Cause
we're assholes. We're the world's biggest assholes, eeyo-eeyo."
Cody: "Maybe we shouldn't be signing this song."
Kent: "Ranting and raving and carrying on."
Clark: "Maybe you're right when you tell us we're wrong..."
StB all look at each other and respond "Nah!"
All: "Cause we're assholes, eeyo-eeyo, eeyo-eeyo, eeyo-eeyo. Cause
we're assholes. We're the world's biggest assholes, eeyo-eeyo."
Clark: "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna walk right into Thanksgiving Thunder in Boston, Mass. and fight for the World Title. With three wins over Mike Haggar under my belt and his self-confidence totally shot and absolutely nobody at his side except for his daughter, who should be wearing a paper bag anyway. Gyah!!! And I'm going to prove to everybody in the whole world just why I should be the World Champion this very second, making all of the stupid little marks who aren't getting any cry in their Fruit Loops, those idiots who are using wrestling as some kind of sexual release because no women will touch them but if they close their eyes and think real hard, they can put their hands up to the TV screen and actually cop a feel on Jessica Haggar. And when I'm done beating up her daddy, Jessica will come running to Cody, Jerry will still be old, but we love him anyway, and that World Title belt will be mine, and there's not a single damn thing anybody can do about it! You know why? Because we are the best, that's why. Three words, Simply the God-Damn Best, okay! DH, Major Force, the Raiders, they can have all the little feuds they want, they can go and wrestle for that stupid War Title right here in that ring tonight and it won't make a lick of difference because we are the best, okay!?! Mike Haggar's not frozen, he's boring, and as soon as we find a cure for boringness, we're gonna cure Mike Haggar and he's going to be pretty pissed off, you know why!?! Ever been completely ignored? Well, multiply that by fifteen million times and that's about how pissed off Mike Haggar's gonna be. We're gonna cure Haggar's boredom, and Jack Slade's insecurity, and King Rasta's bestiality, and Kodiak's insanity, and Skarzz's scars, and Hillsman's idiocy, and...
Kent: "Hey, you know, we really are assholes."
Cody: "Shut up, Kent, and let's sing the damn song."
All. "Cause we're assholes, eeyo-eeyo, eeyo-eeyo, eeyo-eeyo. Cause
we're assholes."
"We're the world's biggest assholes, eeyo-eeyo." Everybody...
A-S-S-H-O-L-E!!! EVERYBODY!!! A-S-S-H-O-L-E!!!
S-I-M-P-L-Y-T! H-E-B-E-S-and-T!!!
Clark. "We're Simply the Best, we're assholes, and we're proud of it!"
The music ended and Simply the Best began blowing kisses to the crowd. The crowd wasn't as impressed as StB thought they were, booing them right out of the ring. But as usually, Simply the the Best didn't seem to care.
We then went backstage and saw Kodiak Marmoset sitting in front of a television screen. He wasn't going to miss a second of our next match...
SMWA Television Title Match: King Rasta (c) w/Bobby the Monkey vs Clone w/ The Actor
Clone has been hot as of late. He was the man to really derail the Kodiak Express and, a couple of weeks ago, beat then-Television Champion Zangief by disqualification when Kodiak Marmoset interfered. Rasta, being the stand up man he is, decided that he'd give Clone a match for the belt here on Monday Night. But the Kodiak factor was still present. He was backstage, watching the match on a television monitor. Would he be able to stay back there as the man who has put his career in a downward spiral wrestled for the Television Title?
Rasta entered the ring after Clone and was immediately floored by a spinning kick. Clone had come to fight, and Rasta would not disappoint. The first minutes of this match were full of hard punches and stiff kicks by these two powerhouses. Rasta started to get the edge and backed up for a huge lariat. Clone ducked and connected with one of his own, sending Rasta over the top rope and on to the arena floor.
Clone went outside but was immediately jumped on by Bobby the Monkey. Clone turned around, ready to deal with his furry assailant, but Rasta would have none of that. He hit Clone with a reverse neckbreaker. Rasta then planted a big elbowdrop from the ring apron and rolled Clone back inside. Rasta was in complete control, dropping Clone with a Samoan drop and then flying off the top ropes with a flying kneedrop for a two count. Taking Clone up top, Rasta delivered a thunderous belly-to-belly superplex.
Nick Jones had gone backstage at this point and was with Kodiak Marmoset.
Jones: "Kodiak, I see you here watching this match with Clone and King Rasta and I can't help but wonder if what people are saying is correct."
At this point, Clone had managed to come back and drop Rasta to the ground with a big press slam. Kodiak wasn't happy at all. He turned to Jones. "What are they saying, Jones."
Jones: "Well, a lot of people have said that you are obsessed with Clone."
Kodiak burst out of his seat and grabbed Jones by the collar, getting right in his face. He didn't seem to be taking kindly to these comments.
"OBSESSED!!! OBSESSED!!! You think I'm OBSESSED!!! This jerk beats me one time cleanly. Then he CHEATS to win all of the other times, and look what's happened to me! Zangief has made me a target. Tim Redbury nearly killed me. The fans boo me left and right!!! OBSESSED!!! You're damn right. That son-of-a-bitch Clone has ruined my life!!! And I'm going to make him pay for that."
Kodiak shoved Jones to the ground and ran to the ring. King Rasta was up on the top rope, ready to drop Clone with his Dread Lock Drop. But before he could leap from the top, Kodiak hit the ring light lightning and floored Clone with The Finisher. The ref called for the bell.
Clone defeated King Rasta by disqualification in 0:11:53.
Rating: ** 3/4
(King Rasta retained the SMWA Television Title.)
Clone had now beaten two Television Champions but he still had nothing to show for it. Kodiak was angry as Hell, beating Clone down, but Rasta wasn't much happier. He called to Kodiak from the top rope, getting Kodiak to turn around. Rasta then jumped off the top rope and attempted the Dread Lock Drop.
Kodiak side stepped and hit Rasta out of the air with The Finisher. Rasta was about to get some of the same treatment that Ko diak gave Clone. But a dark figure was seen moving through the crowd. Shadow Maxx was coming to the ring, chain in hand.
Maxx climbed into the ring, pulled Kodiak off of Rasta and whalloped him with the chain. Kodiak spilled between the ropes. He touched his forehead and discovered a fairly large cut. The bloody Kodiak then took the mic.
"You want some of this, Maxx? You want to be flattened by the Express? You, me, here, TONIGHT!!! Speak up, moron!"
Maxx stared right at Kodiak, no expression on his face. He nodded. It looked like there would be a match. Kodiak left the ringside area, keeping his hand over his forehead. Maxx gave Rasta a quick look and then disappeared into the crowd.
Yet again, Kodiak Marmoset has gotten involved in a match with Clone. And once more, Shadow Maxx has saved King Rasta from a beating, in spite of the fact that Rasta and Maxx will both be involved in a triangle match at Thanksgiving Thunder.What is Maxx doing?
Akira Wan-Pai vs Teioh w/ Zists and Naga Yajito
It seems like Akira Wan-Pai has been "scouted" by this "Light Man" over the past few weeks. This same light man has set himself up as Teioh's cheif rival. So, tonight, the "candidate" would take on the enemy in this bizzare battle between two mystical sides.
Akira Wan-Pai has been known to have some of the quickest and most fierce punches and kicks in our sport. So imagine his dismay when Teioh was able to dodge, block and parry all of those punches and kicks. Akira had no idea what to do. Teioh stood in the middle of the ring, hands and his side, daring Akira to come at him. Akira attempted a high kick, but Teioh swept his legs out from under him. And the Lord of the Darkness took control.
Teioh went to work, pounding on Akira with vicious martial arts moves. After taking Akira down with a Toka slam, Teioh raised his foot high in the air and smashed his heel right into the nose of Akira, breaking his nose and almost caving in his skull. Teioh was not going for any sort of a pin, however. He stood above Akira and was content to watch him bleed. Akira slowly got to his feet. Teioh was again standing in the middle of the ring, motionless.
Akira stared right at Teioh and yelled something we couldn't understand. But Akira's stance spoke volumes. He was not going to back down. The young martial artist was willing to take anything else Teioh gave him. Teioh was happy to oblige. He chopped Akira twice in the throat and then went for a Yakuza kick. Akira ducked and, knowing he couldn't take much more, immediately hit the Tetzuzanko! Teioh staggered to the mat in obvious pain. But before Akira could capitalize on the advantage, Naga Yajito, Teioh's "student", stormed the ring and attacked Akira.
Akira Wan-Pai defeated Teioh by disqualification in 0:04:57.
Rating: 1/2*
Naga locked on his Sunfire Stretch on the fallen Akira as Teioh and Zists planted boots to him. Akira could barely move. It looked like his career in the SMWA may soon be over.
The arena went black as Zists waved his sacred staff in the air. It looked like there would be no return for Akira. But then, strangely as before, a light was seen in the aisle. The light shifted, moulded and shaped itself like a man. The light man made his way down to the ring. Zists tapped Naga on the shoulder and pointed at the "Light Man". His orders clear, Naga left the ring and started his attack. He walked up to the light man and challenged him to advance. The light man did and Naga attacked. He kicked the Light Man as viciously in the head as he possibly could. The kick was so hard, in fact, that it went through the Light Man's head. It was like Naga's kick had hit nothing at all. The Light Man then delivered a backhand to Naga's face, knocking him unconscious. He approached the ring and Teioh and Zists disappeared in a cloud of black. The Light Man then stood over the still unconscious Akira Wan-Pai. As he flickered out, the building went dark again. And as the lights came up, he and Akira were gone.
What the HELL is going on?!?!
Shadow Maxx vs Kodiak Marmoset
The match was agreed upon earlier this evening. We have a referee, we have two wrestlers, so we have a match. Two of the New Blood were going to go at it.
Kodiak, who had been stitched up in the back, was ready to go. He jumped
Maxx at the bell and began pounding on him. Maxx responded with a few shots
of his own and hit Kodiak with a roundhouse that turned him around. Maxx
hit a release dragon suplex that put Kodiak down. Kodiak got back up but
tasted the mat once more when Maxx hit a Frankensteiner. Maxx quickly went
over and brought Kodiak to his feet. He took him down with the Dark Bomb.
The referee counted.
1...
2...
Shadow Maxx pinned Kodiak Marmoset with the Dark Bomb in 0:00:38.
Rating: *
THIRTY EIGHT SECONDS!!! WOW!!! Maxx was finished for this evening and he left the ring. A stunned Kodiak got to his feet and demanded the microphone.
"This is BULLSHIT!!! Clone, ever since you beat me, I've been beat up by Zangief. I was slammed by Titan Tim. This Shadow idiot just got the fluke win of his life!!! All because of YOU!!! YOU, CLONE!!! You better show up for Thanksgiving Thunder, pal. I know you're crapping in your pants right now, but you show up!!! This won't be over until I say so!!!"
Kodiak then threw down the mic to a chorus of boos. This guy has changed a lot over the past few months and the fans were getting quite upset at his constant tantrums. It seems that Kodiak's only friend any more is Johnny Proton. And we have to wonder how long that will last.
Before we went to commercial, Chad Hillsman had a brief word to say to Zangief.
"A strap match. You know, Red, I think this has been a long time coming for you. In fact, this is really something your mother should have done to you at a very young age. Hey, how is your mom doing, anyway? Oh, that's right. She's dead! And after tonight, Zangief, you will be, too. Biff, you better be ready to fight the rest of this war without back-up. I'll see you later, Commie. Get ready to see mommy!!!"
Stinging words from Chad Hillsman. Ever since Zangief's mother died in the early stages of this feud, Zangief has never forgiven Hillsman for costing him one last chance to see his mother. Would Chad's strategy backfire? Or was he hitting all the right buttons?
We took a commercial break. After the break, Ron Grayson was standing in the ring, ready to talk. Apparently, he had some earth-shattering announcements concerning Sky Entertainment Ltd.
Terry Sky, however, was nowhere to be seen this week. Apparently, somebody booked him on the wrong flight. A call was recieved from Sky's home airport in Atlanta, saying that his flight was "unavailable". So Grayson had free reign this week. Grayson started talking.
"First, before I start, Mike Haggar. Next week, you have another chance to go after my Corporate Title. There's a new generation in town, Haggar, and you ain't a part of it. When I was a kid, I worshiped you. I started a SMWA fan club just because you were living in my hometown. I've grown up since then, Mike. Your 'Number One Fan' is going to have to take you down next Monday. That spells the end of that!"
"Now, I really wish Terry Sky was here this week. Terry, I apologize for the plane ticket, okay? I'm not trying to push you out or go over your head here. You are the boss and if it weren't for you, I'd be unemployed. But as the second-in-command of Sky Entertainment Ltd., I feel I have no choice but to go ahead with the decisions I have made."
"First of all, the mistake with the plane ticket should not have been made, but look at my job. I'm the Personnel Director, I'm contending for the North American Title - I have a lot of stuff on my plate. I can't do this job all on my own. I need help. So I've gone ahead and hired myself an intern. And I'd like to introduce her to you right now."
"Her name is very famous, but I can guarantee you that she doesn't like cigars, that she can keep her blouses clean and that she looks very good in tight clothes and a hat. I would like to present to you, at this time, the new intern of Sky Entertainment Ltd., MONICA!!!"
The crowd let out a collective groan. Monica? Well, let's just say that this was not the Monica the world is talking about. This one was five foot ten with a killer bod, long black hair and a face that could stop time. This leggy intern walked into the ring, briefcase in hand, and took her place behind Terry Sky. She recieved a handshake from Grayson before she took out a notepad and pen. But she fumbled the stationary and dropped it near Grayson's feet. Grayson kicked the notepad gingerly towards a turnbuckle.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Monica. I seemed to have kicked the notepad over there. Would you go get it?"
Monica let out a girlish laugh and went to retrieve the notepad, bending over so all could see. Grayson beamed a huge smile.
"As you can tell, she is very good at her job and VERY talented. Take the cap of the pen, baby, and write what I'm about to say down."
Monica took the cap off the pen and started to write.
"Now, first of all, I have some sad, sad news. This Saturday, Clepto the Clown recieved the opportunity of a lifetime. He recieved a shot at the North American Title. I was proud of him and I thought he did the company well. Unfortunately, that big idiot Redbury lucked out and got the win. But that's not the bad part, oh no. Clepto was taken away on a stretcher. He was taken to the hospital. He may never wrestle again..."
The crowd exploded into cheers!!! Clepto was gone!!! This is the best news the SMWA has had in a long time!!! Grayson, however, didn't share the crowd's enthusiam.
"A clown is in the hospital, and you people are CHEERING!!! My GOD!!! That's awful! Is this the kind of example you want to set for your children? That's why I hired Clepto. So your children could watch wrestling and laugh. But looking at this audience, I'm making a guess. I'm guessing that inbreeding has some kind of affect on sensitivity, because it sure has affected yours! And Titan, for what you did to Clepto...well, actually, just because I want that North American belt, I'm going to Boston the Corporate Champ and leaving the North American Champ!!!"
"But before I can do that, I need to clear something up. Sky Entertainment has had a problem over the past few weeks, and I'd like to call him out right now. Lantern, get your dim bulb out here!"
Lantern came to the ring, not looking happy. He entered and went face to face with Grayson.
"Lantern, over the past few weeks, you've been dropping matches, you've been dropping the ball for our team, and you've been dropping the standards of our company. I should just fire your ass right now. But I'll give you one last chance. A Corporate Death Match. Since Monica is a Sky Entertainment employee, she'll be the referee. If you lose, you are out of Sky Entertainment Ltd. for good. If you win, you have my respect, which, really, is the greatest prize of all. So let's go, Shiny!"
Corporate Death Match: "Daredevil" Ron Grayson vs Lantern
Grayson shoved Lantern, to which Lantern responded with a massive right hand that put Grayson on his back. Lantern wasn't going to let Grayson's challenge go unanswered. Kicking Grayson down, Lantern started going to the ropes, nearly taking Grayson's head apart with a springboard spinning leg lariat. Grayson took a time out and left the ring. Monica started counting.
One...two...three...four...five....six....seven...........
Monica started counting. Something in the audience had caught her eye. A fairly good looking man was staring right at her, making eyes. Monica stopped counting and started FLIRTING with this man at ringside. Lantern was irrate!!! He grabbed Monica and told her to count. Monica started to cry. At this point, it didn't matter, as Grayson had made his way back into the ring. He took Lantern down from behind with a dragon suplex. Grayson was able to control the match with a few suplexes, including a vicious slingshot back suplex. Grayson then went for a German suplex, but Lantern managed to land on his feet, avoiding the impact of the move. He took Grayson down with a superkick and continued the offense. Grayson was rocking and reeling as Lantern tossed him into the corner. Grayson staggered out and Lantern went for a Frankensteiner. Grayson countered with a power bomb and put his feet on the ropes. As painful as it probably was for her, Monica managed to count to three.
Corporate Death Match
Ron Grayson pinned Lantern after a power bomb in 0:04:13.
Rating: * 3/4
(Lantern is now no longer a part of Sky Entertainment Ltd.)
Grayson came over to a still shaken Monica and consoled her. Sky Entertainment Ltd. no longer had Lantern, but they had Monica. Interesting trade.
This would be the first time in the history of the SMWA that we would see this match. Four teams, twelve men, one ring. All the major stables in the SMWA (with the exception of Simply the Best - Clark is devoting his time to his World Title match at Thanksgiving Thunder) had a team in this historic match to determine the first ever SMWA War Champions. Major Force and the Doomsday Hunters will be gunning for each other. "Titan" Tim, West Bronco and Teknos would undoubtedly be going after the Sky Entertainment team of Highland Hell. Standard four corners rules. You can tag anybody. The last team remaining in the match is the winner. This was going to be a big old confusing fight.
Starting off the match would be two monsters. Big Hamish Mactavish
would be battling with Doomsday. These two mountains of manhood smashed
into each other with monster truck force, neither one giving an inch.
Hamish finally took Doomsday down with a big powerslam and made the tag . .
.
To Ghost.
Ghost stormed the ring and went right at Doomsday. Doomsday merely
kicked Ghost in the stomach and hit him with the ARMAGEDDON!!! Doomsday
made a quick cover.
1...
2...
NO!!! Ghost kicked out again! Ghost once again survived the
Armageddon. Extinct, wanting Ghost dealt with once and for all, tossed a
chair in to Doomsday. Doomsday took the chair and swung at Ghost. Ghost
ducked and took the Green Monster down with a vicious DDT. He then set up
the chair, whipped Doomsday into the ropes and dropped him with a faceslam
onto the chair. Slash Battle then stormed the ring, leveling Ghost with a
big lariat. Doomsday made the tag.
For the next few minutes, Ghost recieved no mercy. Slash Battle pounded him into the ground with incredible power while Teknos and Crash Burnz hit some dynamic high flying moves. Ghost even found himself in the clutches of the Flying Scotsman's Scottish Breaker. Somehow, Ghost again managed to survive an incredible onslaught. Reversing a crucifix attempt by Teknos with a Samoan drop, Ghost made the tag out to his Major Force teammate, Alexander "The Grater".
At this point, the match became very confusing. No wrestler would stay in the ring very long. We saw a few old rivalries rekindled, with Grater taking on West Bronco and Titan Tim at one point. Titan was even able to lift Grater in a hangman hold and keep him there for around twenty seconds before Grater was able to get free. Teknos and The Flying Scotsman did battle, rekindling the old Viajeros vs Highland Hell feud, with the Toughman Champion almost knocking Teknos out with some stiff right hands. There were some unlikely double teams, like when the PXM hit Doomsday with a double launch slam which was followed by Teknos hitting a flying elbowdrop. But the entire match stopped when two men entered the ring. Skarzz and Doomsday.
These two masked behemoths entered the ring, stared at each other for the briefest of moments, and then charged right at each other. There was nothing fancy about what these two were doing. It was a brawl that shook the building. The two got caught up in a clinch and fell to the outside, where the brawl continued. Major Force and the Doomsday Hunters joined in the fray, each team leaving the ringside area. The referee had no choice but to count both teams out.
x double countout (Doomsday and Skarzz) in 0:13:54
A few more officials tried to separate Major Force and the DH as they
made their way into the back of the building, but it was all for nothing.
And in the ring, Highland Hell and The Raiders still had a match to fight.
Teknos, looking for a quick advantage, jumped Hamish in the middle of
the ring. He hit him with a couple of dropkicks and then went for a
Frankensteiner. Hamish blocked the move and hit Teknos with a thunderous
spike slam. Angus and The Scotsman then jumped onto Bronco and Titan on the
apron, taking them out of the match. Hamish hit a Diamond Cutter on the
groggy Teknos and went for the pin.
1...
2...
Four Way Crash for the vacant SMWA War Titles:
Sky Entertainment Ltd. (Angus Wallace, Hamish MacTavish and The Flying
Scotsman) defeated
The Doomsday Hunters (Crash Burnz, Doomsday and Slash
Battle), Major Force (Alexander "The Grater"/Ghost/Skarzz), and The Raiders
(Teknos/Titan Tim Redbury/West Bronco):
x double countout (Doomsday and Skarzz) in 0:13:54
x Hamish beat Teknos via the Diamond Cutter in 0:14:26
Rating: * 3/4
(Sky Entertainment Ltd. (Angus Wallace, Hamish MacTavish and The Flying
Scotsman) won the SMWA War Titles.)
Sky Entertainment finally had some gold, and they had three Highlanders and two angry giants to thank for it.
"Tricky" Rick Clark vs "Jackhammer" Andrew Marshall
These two haven't yet crossed paths in the SMWA. Both men rank about equally in mat skill, with Marshall holding a distinct edge in power and Clark having the advantage in speed. And with Clark looking forward to Thanksgiving Thunder and his big match with Haggar, he might not have had his mind on Marshall. That's too bad, because Jackhammer could very well beat him tonight.
The match started with a cautious exchange of holds. Neither man wanted to give up too much this early in the match. Marshall took the edge when he broke a Clark armlock with a vicious lariat. Marshall tossed Clark around like a child, heaving him about seven feet in the air with a back body drop. Marshall went for the same move again, but his time was DDTed into the mat. Clark, looking to put this match to bed early, got Marshall in position for the Sky-Driver.
Marshall blocked the hold and hit Clark with a vicious Jackhammer. It got him a near fall, but Clark still had a lot left in the gas tank. Marshall kept up the high powered offense, taking Clark down with lariat after lariat and planting him with an inverted power bomb. Marshall was slamming Clark all over the mat and it looked like the number one contender was in some trouble. Clark finally countered a German suplex with a go behind and a deadly backdrop driver. Clark hit a senton and went for the cover. He got a two count.
Clark dazzled Marshall with high risk moves for the next few minutes, gaining several near falls. Finally deciding it was time to end it, Clark went for the Sky-Driver. Marshall countered with a vertical suplex which sent Clark outside of the ring.
Clark was hurt on the outside and backed off from an angry Marshall. Backing off turned into running and the chase was on. Clark made it in to the ring first and, when Marshall came in, leveled his opponent with a vicious superkick. With Marshall dazed, Clark hit the Sky-Driver and got the win.
Rick Clark pinned Andrew Marshall with the Sky-Driver in 0:10:16.
Rating: *** 1/4
Clark stood up to celebrate when Mike Haggar showed up on SlamVision. Haggar had a smirk on his face and was addressing Clark.
"Nice singing earlier, Rick. I thought somebody was strangling Nick Jones. Asshole, eh? That's a source of pride for you? You like being called an asshole. Well, fine, we'll play that game. What do you fans think of Clark?"
The crowd started up a chant of asshole. Clark shrugged it off and smiled at Haggar, yelling "Damn proud of it!". Haggar kept going.
"Clark, you think punks like you are anything new to me? You hold the World Title for a month and you think that you're Simply the Best? Pal, I've had bowel movements that have meant more than your title reign did. You want to get under my skin? You go right ahead, Clark, because it's not going to mean a thing in the end. Yeah, you've beaten me before, but you have to do it one more time. If you really are Simply the Best, it shouldn't be a problem for you. But Clark, no matter how good you think you are, there's always going to be somebody who's just that much better. Come Thanksgiving Thunder, I'll show you what being Simply the Best is really all about."
Clark laughed off Haggar's comments as SlamVision turned off. Clark is so full of himself that nothing Mike Haggar could say would have any effect. Maybe if Haggar wins at Thanksgiving Thunder, that will shut Clark up.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, this contest is a leather strap match. The only way to win this match is to touch all four turnbuckles in succession.
******** cue Chad Hillsman's music ********
RA: Coming down the aisle... From Washington, DC... Weighing in at two hundred and seventy five pounds... "The All-American" Chad Hillsman!
Even as the Star-Spangled Banner was played in the background, Hillsman was booed like nobody else. The xenophobic patriot may just be the most hated man in the history of professional wrestling. And tonight, he and Zangief would have another go in their long running feud. And with Hillsman making more derogatory comments about Zangief's deceased mother, this was looking to get ugly very early.
Before the match, Nick Jones was going to give a brief backstage
interview with Zangief. Zangief was as mad as ever, holding the leather
strap and nearly breaking it with every pull.
Jones: "Zangief, obviously you've heard the comments of Chad Hillsman earlier in the program. He once again alluded to your mother. What kind of frame of mind are you in right now?"
Zangief didn't even look at Jones as he answered the question.
Zangief: "Vat frame of mind? Zis is a very stupid question, Jones. Hillzman, vat do I have to do to get you to stop? Hm? How far do you vant me to go? You talk about me visiting my mother after you're done vith me tonight? Is zat how you vant zis to end? Vell, Hillzman, if zose are ze rules you vant to play by, I accept. I bid you von final 'Das Videnias.' Velcome to Hell!"
Zangief stormed out of the back and his ring introduction started.
******** cue Zangief's music ********
RA: His opponent.... Hailing from Siberia... Weighing in at three hundred and three pounds... "The Siberian Bear Crusher".... ZANGIEF!!!
Who would ever boo a man facing Chad Hillsman? Zangief came in to a massive ovation, but he didn't notice. He was focused on Hillsman.
This feud has gone on and off since January, when Zangief was forced to leave his feud with Hillsman to go home and visit his dying mother. But a last minute challenge by Hillsman caused Zangief to miss his mother's death by mere hours. He never got to say goodbye. And with the way these two men talked tonight, it looked like one of them may be joining her soon. Both Biff Slamkovich and Gunloc were not at the arena tonight. This was going to be a one on one encounter.
As Zangief entered the ring, Hillsman jumped him and went on the offense. He floored Zangief with several clotheslines and dropped him on his head with a piledriver. Hillsman then attached the strap to his wrist and started whipping the big Russian down. Zangief got back up to his feet, only to be taken back down with a fallaway slam. Hillsman went for an early win, wrapping the strap around Zangief's legs and dragging him around the ring. Hillsman touched one buckle, two buckles, three buckles. Hillsman was almost at the fourth buckle when Zangief pulled his legs in and brought Hillsman back into the middle of the ring. Hillsman tried to drop a big elbow, but Zangief rolled out of the way. Both men made it to their feet and Zangief leveled Hillsman with a vicious spinning lariat. Zangief then let out a blood curdling yell, and it became very obvious that Hillsman was in a lot of trouble.
Zangief took the strap and whipped Hillsman a few times. But instead of going for the body, Zangief kept whipping Hillsman in the head and face. Zangief was going for the greatest amount of damage possible. After hitting Hillsman with a backdrop driver, Zangief tossed him outside and continued the assault.
Hillsman tried to run away from the angry Russian, but the beauty of a strap match is that you can't do that sort of thing. Zangief tugged on the strap and Hillsman fell flat on his face. Zangief dropped a big knee on Hillsman's skull and then picked him up. He smashed Hillsman's head into the ring steps several times, trying to get Hillsman's forehead to catch the edge of the stairs. Chad was busted open as a result. Zangief then whapped Hillsman's head into the ringpost, further bloodying his opponent. Hillsman was almost done. Zangief tossed him inside.
Zangief hit Hillsman with a spinning piledriver but, not feeling like that was enough, picked him up again and hit another spinning piledriver. Hillsman was out. Zangief could have simply touched the four corners, but he did something a bit more barbaric. He wrapped the leather strap around Hillsman's throat...tight! He then touched the first turnbuckle, dragging and choking Hillsman at the same time. Then came the second, then the third, and finally the fourth. Zangief had beaten a bloody, sputtering Hillsman.
Strap Match
Zangief defeated Chad Hillsman in 0:06:28.
Rating: ** 1/4
Zangief had won the match, but it wasn't over. He refused to untie the strap from Hillsman's throat. In fact, Zangief whipped Hillsman over the top rope and HANGED him with the strap. Hillsman was struggling to get free, but Zangief was too strong. His face was slowly turning redder and redder as the blood rushed to his head. The camera zoomed in close to Hillsman's eyes. They were red. Blood vessels had started to break. It looked like Zangief was intent on finishing his issue with Hillsman once and for all!
A fleet of officials and security came to the ring. They pleaded with Zangief to release the now unconscious Hillsman. But Zangief had lost his mind and would not let go. Hillsman wasn't fighting back any more and was starting to go into violent convulsions.
Finally, real help arrived. Some police officers stormed the ring and grabbed Zangief. A referee came to the ring with some scissors and cut the leather strap from Hillsman as fast as he could. The police handcuffed Zangief and led him away from the ring kicking and screaming as the EMT's came to the ring with a stretcher and oxygen. Hillsman was not moving.
The program ended with one thought from announcer John Hynes: "How far has Zangief gone?"
